I read my daily meditation this morning. I read more of Codependent No More.
I met with my counselor. I ran an errand. I chose “self-kindness” as my focus today.
And here, and there, I’ve been diving back into a book I started last night: Leonardo and the Last Supper.
It’s nothing to do with codependency or borderline personality disorder or self-improvement.
As the title says, it’s about Leonardo da Vinci and his painting The Last Supper.
And it’s fascinating. And I have to share it. With him while he’s watching TV, or at work. With my coworker while she’s prepping for tomorrow’s lunch rush. With his kids while they’re changing out of the roller skates.
I take that back, I don’t have to share it–I want to share it.
As I told my counselor, my conversations are changing. I’m no longer forcing him to get mired in my emotional analyses. My recovery is my recovery. This gives both of us space to think and to breathe.
And in that space, I’ve found that instead of barraging him with questions about his day, and resenting him for not showing as much interest in mine, I ask him how his day was and then I share with him–unsolicited–the most interesting parts of mine.
And this book is one of them. Me, excited about da Vinci?! I am. I am so enthralled by the narrative and history. I read five pages, and then look up the paintings they reference. Then read five more. I come across a tidbit that I feel compelled to share. And I do.
And this morning, I remembered that I once took an art history class in college and really enjoyed it. More of the post-divorce amnesia lifting, I suppose.
I like our conversations these days. They’re not deep analyses of our relationship, my psyche, or his. They’re more passionate, more varied, more interesting.
Because people with actual interests are interesting. People with actual passions are passionate.
Whatever this is–this, right now…is fun.