So Tired

screen shot 2019-01-04 at 6.05.11 pm

I’m tired.  But in a good way.  Not an overworked, overstressed kind of exhausted.

I’m tired in a way that can only be described as the weighty silence of a peaceful confidence.

I read a post by a man who recently finished crossing Antartica unsupported on foot.  He’s returned home to South America and posted a picture of himself embracing his wife for the first time in 60+ days.

He described the world as “noisy” after spending so long in the thunderous silence of a frozen world.

I get it.

In many ways, this tired is the emptiness previously occupied by a flurry of unfettered emotions.  And where there’s a lack of emotions to constantly stimulate, there’s tired.  A deep tired.  A finally-I-can-rest tired.

Don’t get me wrong–I felt anxiety today.  Briefly.  My gut instinct was to ask, “Did I upset you? Are you ok?”  That is until I told myself that if the other person was going to react harshly, that was something I couldn’t control.  I put my phone down, let it go, and focused on my task at hand.

The focus for this weekend is self-care.

Budget-conscious self-care, but self-care.

A manicure is in order.  I want to finish a movie I started a couple of days ago.  I also want to finish a book I began New Year’s Day.  I’ve enjoyed walking lately.  And drinking a lot of tea.  I might go frame shopping to hang pictures of the kids and I.

I want to eat a grilled cheese sandwich.  And salad.

I want to sleep in as much as I can.  And take a couple of hot baths.  Do an at-home hair treatment.

Somehow, start to find my way back to God.  (He and I have done a lot of talking today.)

Write a letter.  Or two.

And just enjoy the weekend.

I want to savor it.

I want to savor this tired.


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