I’m tired. But in a good way. Not an overworked, overstressed kind of exhausted.
I’m tired in a way that can only be described as the weighty silence of a peaceful confidence.
I read a post by a man who recently finished crossing Antartica unsupported on foot. He’s returned home to South America and posted a picture of himself embracing his wife for the first time in 60+ days.
He described the world as “noisy” after spending so long in the thunderous silence of a frozen world.
I get it.
In many ways, this tired is the emptiness previously occupied by a flurry of unfettered emotions. And where there’s a lack of emotions to constantly stimulate, there’s tired. A deep tired. A finally-I-can-rest tired.
Don’t get me wrong–I felt anxiety today. Briefly. My gut instinct was to ask, “Did I upset you? Are you ok?” That is until I told myself that if the other person was going to react harshly, that was something I couldn’t control. I put my phone down, let it go, and focused on my task at hand.
The focus for this weekend is self-care.
Budget-conscious self-care, but self-care.
A manicure is in order. I want to finish a movie I started a couple of days ago. I also want to finish a book I began New Year’s Day. I’ve enjoyed walking lately. And drinking a lot of tea. I might go frame shopping to hang pictures of the kids and I.
I want to eat a grilled cheese sandwich. And salad.
I want to sleep in as much as I can. And take a couple of hot baths. Do an at-home hair treatment.
Somehow, start to find my way back to God. (He and I have done a lot of talking today.)
Write a letter. Or two.
And just enjoy the weekend.
I want to savor it.
I want to savor this tired.